Bradley and I had agreed to be the subject of a styled shoot for a few photographers who were in need of a couple about to be married. The only requirement was that the wedding be held on a mountaintop and all of the styling was in the hands of the creative people designing the wedding.
My first thought was this couldn't get any better. Bradley and I spent a lot of our free time climbing mountaintops both literally and figuratively. Being a literary junkie, the symbolism behind climbing a mountaintop to the climax of our relationship was even better than anything I could have imagined for our wedding day. It signified so much of the rugged terrain we had to get through in our lives before we met and the steep hills we climbed in our own relationship to get to the place we are today.
So after talking it over we agreed that climbing a mountaintop with strangers we had never met to say our vows was exactly what we wanted to do. Unconventional, I know, but we like to do things a bit differently and I've never been the girl who dreamt of a church wedding with hundreds of people looking at me while I poured my heart out to the love of my life. I only needed Bradley and God to attend. The presence of my two precious sons was the icing on the cake.
I woke up Saturday November 12 with nothing but excitement. I wasn't nervous or anxious. I had never doubted or questioned Bradley's placement in my life. I was excited to take his name and become his wife. Nothing else really mattered and that's kind of how I knew this was absolutely the right thing to do. I had no idea what my dress would look like, I had not planned my make-up or hairstyle, there was nothing borrowed or blue. It was absolutely refreshing. My sole focus was what I was about to do, not what I was wearing or what anyone would think of my hair.
What was I about to do? For once in my life I knew exactly what I was doing. I understood the war zone I was walking into and that I stood on the front lines of an epic battle for the human heart, even the ones beating inside Bradley and I. I know the statistics on marriage. I have failed at one myself. That failure has led me to years of research on how to prevent it from happening again. But even through years of reading, hundreds of documentaries and hours of listening to advice from others I discovered the best weapon in this epic battle is something that's been within my reach all along. And we all have access to it.
Jesus.
Oh I know what you're thinking. I'm another one of those religious fanatics that let theology and fantasy cloud my logical thinking. I must be uneducated and a product of my southern culture, right? I can see why someone would be inclined to such a stereotype. The modern media and recent current events easily paint a picture of some followers of Jesus that could be ugly.
But before you write me off allow me to explain how critical Jesus is to the success of marriage. It's really quite simple.
Love and grace.
Writer John Eldredge explained marriage in terms I had never heard before. He explained marriage as the only way Jesus could make us humans understand his love for us. His love is unconditional. No matter the terrible things we do, the people we hurt, the lies we tell or the unsavory thoughts that plague our minds, He loves us just the same. When we make a mistake and ask for it, He extends His grace.
And so as husband and wife we are called to do the same. Humans aren't perfect creatures. We try, but really we're all kind of a mess. None of us have it all figured out no matter what we tell ourselves and marriage gives us that partner that helps us sort through the mess. Another human that stays alongside us giving unconditional love and endless grace. How would it ever work if they didn't? Marriage is choosing that messy, beautiful human every day in whatever ugly, smelly, angry, whiny, irresponsible, kind, funny shape we're in that moment. That's what Jesus does for us.
I wonder sometimes if it's difficult for Him to love us. We get angry about wet towels on the floor and back seat driving, I can only imagine the kind of resentment we would have for our spouse if we died for them and they didn't appreciate it. And yet, Jesus loves us whether we show Him love or not, no matter the sacrifice He has made. Love is entirely selfless. Our love to our spouse must mirror that.
Back to the mountaintop...
We arrived at Arabia mountain around noon. I had never been there before but my earth loving eyes were immediately drawn to it's natural beauty. The mountain is mostly stone and the warm autumn hues of the leaves stood out against the cool, blue rocky surface. As the creative team set up around me the make-up artist got to work on my bare face. Her sweet demeanor and easy conversation made me forget that I had no idea what my face would look like when she finished. For someone who doesn't wear much make-up on a daily basis having someone spend over half an hour applying different creams, powders and lashes to my face made me question if I would even look like the same person when she was finished.
The dress. It was so beautifully simple. When I saw it I felt a slight longing for something extra. A sash? Some color? Sparkle? Then the photographer told me there was no room in which I could change so I would be changing in the woods. No worries though because she and a few of the other women would hold blankets so no one would see me undress. This was becoming even more of an adventure than I had expected!
So we walked into the woods and I slowly and bashfully undressed hoping none of the other women were judging my imperfections as I exposed my skin to the cold wind and slipped on that silk dress.
It fit like it was made for me. And I could breathe, which is always a concern with wedding dresses. There was no mirror. I did not know what my hair looked like, if my make-up was what I had expected or if my body looked as good as it felt in that dress. And I was okay with that. None of that really mattered for once. I put on my shoes, grabbed the gorgeous autumn bouquet and walked across that big rock and lightly tapped Bradley's shoulder. The moment he turned around our eyes met and I felt the last two years we had spent together fall into place.
The boys, the team of photographers, our Pastor, Bradley and I began the walk up the mountain. My mind was flooded with happiness, joy, love and an extremely strong sense of arriving to a place God had intended me to be. I was so overwhelmed with this feeling that I hiked up the entire mountain in my heels and didn't feel one bit of discomfort.
As we reached the top the scene that came into view took my breath away. Blue sky for as far as the eye could see, brilliantly colored tree tops and sunlight beaming through the thin clouds shining a golden glow all around us. It was grande. Grander than any man-made structure I could have chose myself.
It became more clear than ever before that the last several years of my life had led me to that moment. All the struggles, the heart break, the renewal of faith, the realization of true love, the brutal attacks Bradley and I had endured on our own relationship, the many lessons learned-it all led us to this moment.
I vowed my life and unconditional love to Bradley that evening with a complete understanding of what love is and what it is not.
Love is not a dress or a ring, it is not a convenience, it is not always easy, it is not a means to selfish fulfillment.
Love is a choice. Love is an action. Love just does, without end.
Photo: Debbie Neff Photography
**Side note: I would like to recommend two books that truly helped me on my personal journey to understanding what love is. If you are married or think you want to be one day these are well worth a read.
Love Does by Bob Goff
Love and War by John and Staci Eldredge
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